I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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