): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
