there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
