it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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