went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
