he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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