That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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