you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
