handjob tips. give me some.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
