I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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