Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said her name was "party"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
