Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
