hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The air was thick with penises
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
