Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
