I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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