i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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