That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
