My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize