Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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