Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
