there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
