Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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