my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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