We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
