Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
