I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
