I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
