My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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