woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
