I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
