It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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