Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
