you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
