i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.