we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life