I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.