So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
