: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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