Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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