can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
