You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
