I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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