Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
