if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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