i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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