Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
