That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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