i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
