if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
