just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
