if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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