All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
