fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize