So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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