Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
