she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
