Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I could fuck to npr.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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