How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
