Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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