New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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