you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
