theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
