i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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