What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
